I spent so much time trying to avoid burnout. I would compare it to becoming germophobic. Burnout set it for me where I learned that it can be part of the process. Maybe a vacation would have prolonged my burnout from happening or created longevity in my efforts. However, in the ashes of burnout I found the remnants of my initial desire. I learned the core desire and strength that survives burnout is capable of producing more output than the luxuries of the experience. I don’t see falling subject to burnout as a weakness because in these times I learned that I am smarter and stronger than I thought I was. What remains is pure and refined.
I felt abundant in leadership potential and leadership capital so much of my fellowship includes management development. I learned in my absence that the work has a great chance of being dissolved. This revelation was truly disheartening because it marries a person to difficult, often strenuous work. This has also required me to have an honest reflection of my leadership development. I am able to encourage people to act, but true leadership inspires people to embody the cause to change injustice. It is a self-perpetuating and self-duplicating movement. A good leader leads by example but ensures the following assists with the effort.
This next iteration of advocacy has learned from the prototype. Race relations is a contentious topic to discuss. I’ve been given more tools to discuss very controversial items in a light-hearted manner. However, I am becoming more dynamic with old tools I preferred not to use. I prefer to be delicate and sensitive when discussing items of substance. Lately, I’ve taken a different approach. Rather than saying I have the answers or trying to control the narrative to be solution-orientated, I just illustrate what I have learned. It is liberating because it introduces the information to be speculative. There becomes no right or wrong answer, but merely an interpretation of community challenges.
I’m fortunate for this Bush Fellowship. I’m fortunate for the burnout. It “benched” me to rest and watch the game, so to speak. Leaders are our community champions. People want to experience their celebrity. Leaders should have a place in the hearts of their following. What stands out to me is my charisma. More specifically, what stood out to me is the absence of my charisma after the oppression of politic attack set in. I found myself isolating during difficult times, but I realized I have to let people in my life. They need to observe the good, the bad, and the ugly. We’re told to have “thick skin” in this line of work, but I refuse to accept that. Desensitization is not the solution to leadership longevity. I fear what else could be lost when emotionally detaching from political attack.
I was told by a Lakota Elder that the drum is the heartbeat of our people. However, I entered a political atmosphere where our community leaders seldomly work together. Lateral racism has become the heart murmur of race relations. We do not have the luxury to not work together or work adversely against each other. My leadership is not focused on just addressing lateral racism, but it is shifting towards working with contending parties. If we can synchronize our efforts, think of the beautiful music that can be made; certainly an honor song.
On a brighter tune, this journey has extinguished a lot of self-doubt. This journey has modified my identity to one that belongs, one that is deserving, and one that is necessary. My academic career, and some of my professional career, has been founded on experiments (scientific research, grant opportunities, etc.). My leadership is shifting gears to solidify myself as expert in my field. If I didn’t get this fellowship, I am certain I would be tucked away in some laboratory advancing some professor’s research rather than advancing my community.
Lastly, my leadership development is transitioning from an incubation stage to be more performance driven. Although burnout occurred, a champion is emerging. I have learned the parameters of my ability and I am more realistic and cautious in pushing those limits. I am recognizing more and more opportunities to where an ordinary opportunity to extraordinary. I am so grateful to the Bush Foundation. I forget that I have the support of such terrific, compassionate leaders at times.