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COVID-19 Racial Injustice

Report date
July 2019
Learning Log

I would say the most surprising element to my leadership development was how much of a presence I am in space with folks. I tend to be quiet and stay invisible in spaces when I am not the doing the facilitator role or trainer to give space to others. I have learned that this is necessary to give space to others but then if I hold myself back too much the folks will not be able to see the gifts I can bring forth. I have spent years learning to relate to power and privilege as a cisgender male identified person and be careful about how I show up in spaces by taking it up with my presence and voice. I am careful to not use the power and privilege that is given to me. I have learned in this journey that because I have been so intentional and thoughtful about this relationship to power and privilege that is often times not wielded in the best way from those of my gender. I also needed to be visible about showing how to relate to power and privilege in healthier ways and be vocal about sharing those elements to folks as well. Otherwise, folks will not hear it if they do not pay attention to how I am in the space with them. I relied on my non-verbals to communicate this relationship in the past but learned that I needed to take up the space to be vocal as well. This learning was about taking up the energy that is there already in the room when I enter because it is my energy folks are feeling. I needed to claim what was mine in the first place. This definitely further supported my confidence and more acceptance in the skills and tools that I had developed over the years for myself. It definitely feels different, good different to claim what has been there and also stay true to my values as a leader. This journey has helped given me the opportunity to invest in my leadership for myself. This is very different from what I was used to doing was investing in others leadership and capacity. This was something that I had not taken the opportunity to do in the past as developing leader while developing other leaders. The investment in my own leadership was about reaching out to get support as well and that came through being able to join the Rockwood Leadership Institute - Leading from the Inside Out (LIO) Fellowship. This nine month leadership program helped propelled my learning more about the kind of leader I am and can be. LIO gave lots of tools and provided ways for me to get feedback from other leaders in other sectors. LIO also allowed me to get three coaching opportunities not only from my peers in the cohort but from the trainers too. The coaching sessions really helped me process my leadership capacity and growth, allowed me to live more fully into my values as a leader. I appreciated the LIO tools on purpose and vision stance; 360 evaluations from people who I was in relationship with; and the leadership inventory to understand more of my leadership style. The 360 evaluation was helpful for me to see how I operated and was seen by others as a leader. I purpose and vision stance was really about why I did the work I am doing and how I can more fully articulate the work but also as a leader. This helped me claim being a thought leader in my field of work, not only was I an expert but that I have come to realize that as I live more into my leadership I was being asked to guide others in the work and provide strategy and vision for others. I do not think I would be able to fully claim these elements if I had not taken the time to invest in myself over the last months and without this particular Bush fellowship I do not think i would have resources and capacity to do what was needed in this moment to push my leadership further. Most of all I know that I needed to put these things into practice so I can sustain and maintain the changes as I continue to grow my leadership capacity. I appreciate the monthly learning logs because of the question that asks about what I am working on? It keeps me on tabs to remind myself that getting "ah" moments are not enough to transform my leadership but that I must be intentionally practicing these "ah" moments. Translating the learning into practice is what will propel me further as a leader. I continue to practice claim space; taking up space; being bold; and claiming what is there already.